About confrontations
by halbarath
Summary: Feelings are never easy. For Soubi and Ritsuka, it is even more messed up. But if they are really destined for each other, then there must a way. Set after Soubi left with Seimei.
1. Calling

A/N : Not mine. Many thanks to the author for her work.

Updated because I had written Natsuo as the Sacrifice the first time I posted it. Which, obviously, he isn't.

Chapter 1 : Calling

"Ritsuka, I find you oddly composed."

"Hm?" he grunted, still hunched over the book he was reading.

"It's been almost a week since you decided to get Soubi back. We've got no words back and you're simply doing homework like nothing happened. I found it peculiar."

"Well, I don't know what else there is to do. Since we have to wait for feedback, I might as well make good use of this time."

"But, really, homework?"

"Right now, I couldn't care less about it. But not doing it would raise questions and that would be bothersome."

Conversation lapsed back into silence, Ritsuka finishing his homework while the Zero team lazed by.

"Yougi, Natsuo," he said suddenly and drew their attention. "You can't call anyone else, can you? Whatever the bond, you can only call each other, right?"

"Why would we call someone else?"

"I mean, I can only call **my** fighter. Loveless Fighter. Isn't it ?" The boys nodded. "In other words, I shouldn't be able to call Soubi, whatever the bond we have formed. Only Seimei can."

"Yes."

"Alright. So — how exactly do you do it?" he asked very seriously, his attention focused on his friends.

"I barely think about it now but at first, I had to concentrate on Natsuo, to picture him in my mind. His face, his scent, his voice, his essence. What he feels like for me. Then I think 'come'."

"Like an order?"

"Of course. You have to mean it, to impose it. Don't think about the other. Focus on your need. Your fighter will hear you if your voice is strong."

"The pull is attractive, Ritsuka. You shouldn't fear for your Fighter because there is something very pleasurable about it."

"But I don't want to control someone, Natsuo. I don't want to have someone surrender everything for me."

"Then your Fighter will be very sad and disappointed. Each and every one of us lives for his Sacrifice. The bond is sacred. I don't mind relinquishing control to Youji. As long as we are together, I don't care. What's good for him is good for me. I don't **need** anyone else."

"But— but that makes you a slave !"

"No. I trust Youji to be fair and treat me with respect."

"And what would happen if he didn't?"

"I would obey. But I wouldn't like him very much then, would I?" he replied with a smirk.

"Ritsuka, you worry too much about this. When you meet your Fighter the first time, it's like love at first sight. You won't be mean. You will want to be together, not to hurt or harm."

"What about Seimei and Soubi?"

"It's different. Soubi is a blank fighter. He has no name, no calling. He's a spare." Ritsuka blinked.

"A spare? You mean no-one wants him?"

"No. I mean he is destined for no-one."

"Somehow, that sounds even worse," he said dejectedly. "Why is he Beloved then?"

"Because your brother wrote his name on him."

"But Seimei has a true Fighter."

"Well, now he has 2 Fighters."

"Is that why he's mean to Soubi? Because he's blank ?"

"He's mean to everyone." Natsuo said.

"Seimei's a psycho. Soubi's just a possession, a weapon for him. Effective but despicable treatment of one's Fighter."

"Don't you have to love each other? You said it was like love at first sight."

"Well, yes. Especially for the Fighter. But love is not required. Only obedience is necessary for the team to work it out. And practice."

"I see." He mulled over their words for a moment then spoke again. "When you call, can you only order to come or can you use it to communicate ?"

Both frowned and contemplated the implication. They looked at each other, a smirk lazily lightning their faces before Natsuo left Soubi's place.

"Experimenting, eh?" Ritsuka asked. He watched Youji as he called his Fighter. He tensed after a few minutes then broke into a triumphant laugh. "I guess you can talk to each other. I am so glad you're on my side, now."

He took his time. He spent the whole trip home to reflect on Zero's input.

 _Come in, avoid Mother, undress, get in bed._

He looked out through the window and let his thoughts wander towards Soubi. The first time they met. Soubi knocking on his window. The blood on his balcony. The feel of his arms around him when they fought. His kisses. His scars. Ritsuka's eyelids fluttered closed. His warm hand enveloping his smaller one. His voice. His smell. He concentrated on his own constricted chest, the void in himself. He recalled the feeling in Goura when Soubi had answered him. The surge, the violent power thrust when he had wanted him so badly by his side to protect, help, fight. He pushed back the anger, the pity, the blame, the sadness and let his need and desire to have Soubi here overwhelm him.

"Soubi," he called with all his might. "Survive. I will get you back."

Far away, a cigarette stilled in mid-air. A slow smile graced Soubi's usually impassive face.

"Yes, Ritsuka."


	2. Therapy

A/N : Not mine. Many thanks to the author for her work. Not money made out of it, just load of fun. And time. And an increased workload to do later.

Chapter 2 : Therapy

"Doctor Katsuko? I went into Seimei's room a few days ago."

"Yes, and?"

"I— What is a 'brother complex' doctor?"

"Um, it's an excessive love for one's brother, a desire to protect so strong it turns obsessive."

Ritsuka compared her definition to his brother's photo album. His mind elsewhere, he kept silent in his therapist's office. She was used to it by now. He was an easy child but very guarded. She idly watched his tail and ears moving slowly of their own accord, most certainly in sync with his thoughts.

"What troubles you, Ritsuka?"

"I found out things about Seimei that don't match my memories of him. Can a person loves so strongly and still be mean or cruel to others?"

"A human is a complex being. Nothing is clear-cut. Various aspects of your personality assert themselves depending on your social and mental environment. You are perceived differently by your family, your friend, your schoolmates, your teacher."

"I love Seimei, sensei. But if he was nice to me only, if he's not good at heart, does this love make me someone—bad?"

"It doesn't matter who you love. It's the feeling that counts."

Ritsuka stretched out on the couch and lapsed back into silence. His therapist still considered this a fruitful session. The boy seemed willing to reveal more of himself. She was hopeful.

"Katsuko-sensei, Loveless is an ugly word, isn't it ?"

"It's a lie. No-one is loveless. You might feel like it is, but it doesn't make it true."

"But Beloved is the antonym, isn't it?" he insisted.

"You've put some serious thought on the matter Ritsuka. Do you want to share what happened?"

She saw him shut her out. His stroke of trust was done.

"Nothing happened, sensei. But sometimes, I wonder if I want Him to come back. I'm not so sure now. I have — friends who seem okay with me now. "

When he arrived the next week, he seemed slightly off. She assumed he would talk in his own time if he felt comfortable enough. She offered him sweets, hoping to draw a smile from the teen. He chose a lollipop, assuredly something she wouldn't have associated with him.

"A lollipop? I didn't know you liked them." she wondered aloud, trying to get him to speak.

"Oh, they remind me of happy moments." he replied and smiled sadly, memories of days spent with Soubi and Kio invading his mind. Bouts of melancholy still plagued him more often than not. "What is a masochist, sensei?" he finally asked.

She seemed surprised by the question and frowned slightly. Still the kid was opening up. He had talked more the last session then the two previous months combined. She decide to indulge him. She always doted on him anyway.

"It's a person who derives pleasure from pain — physical or emotional— given under certain circumstances." She paused. "It also usually preludes a sexual relationship."

"I see." He pondered her words, his tail moving slowly on the floor, his hand absent-mindedly rubbing one of his cat-ear. He had a sick feeling that sadly, pain couldn't simply be reduced to foreplay for Soubi. "So, is it wrong?"

"It depends. It is not conventional but providing it's not the only mode of communication and it's consensual, there's no harm done. Manner of speaking."

Ritsuka frowned. He was right, that was not Soubi. He took his time to formulate his thoughts. He wanted his question to be accurate.

"What about someone who believes violence as discipline is okay? Is that masochism too? "

"Only if the finality is sex and if there are limits to it. This is a very codified practice." She stopped and looked intently at him. "Ritsuka, I worry. What have you been doing recently? "

The teen felt the shift in the conversation. He had to phrase his next questions very carefully because soon, Doctor Katsuko will be writing untruthful and embarrassing comments about him.

"I've just been thinking a lot recently, sensei. I don't condone violence, I hope you believe me. But I was wondering about pain. Since Seimei — disappeared," he supplied, unable to say 'died' anymore, "mom is so sad. It is — painful. I'm trying to understand, that's all."

"You are a sweet child, Ritsuka. Pain is a nomal reaction to grief. It will pass someday and recede to a dull ache. One day, you will get up and relive the good memories of your brother without a sharp pain."

"Do you think so, sensei?" He smiled sadly. "That would feel good."

Doctor Katsuko waited for him to speak again. His attitude belied his words. The frown, the twitching tail, his forceful grip on the couch, all his body shouted disbelief.

"Can someone really find comfort in pain? In being hurt?"

"Yes. But it is usually people who have been deeply hurt ad wronged. Some abused children would grow up into adults believing pain is acceptable. Something shifted in their behavioural paradigm because they had been made to consider love and pain as inseparable, because this is the only path they know of and are comfortable with."

"We are not talking about masochism, are we?"

"No Ritsuka. We are not."

"Can nothing be done?"

"It is never hopeless Ritsuka. But the path can be very difficult . They do not apprehend love as we do. Some can somehow disconnect their body from their feelings or mind. They need patience, empathy and kindness. Mostly, they need a competent therapist." She looked at him, trying to decipher the swirl of facial expressions. "You're being very serious and talkative recently. I am very pleased to see you progress so much. I'm looking forward the next session."

"See you next week then, sensei." he replied as he closed her office door.


	3. Confronting one's emotions

A/N : Not mine. Many thanks to the author for her work.

I really hope this chapter will turn out alright, because I wasn't happy with the previous one and I'm absolutely not sure about this one either.

 **Chapter 3 : confronting one's emotions**

He was getting terribly nervous about the next session. If he talked, he assumed he would get answers. But he didn't like to confide and he wasn't sure he wanted to share his feelings. On the plus side, Doctor Katsuko was compelled to keep his secrets. He would certainly never go to Natsuo or Yougi. They would laugh and make a fool out of him. Yuiko and Yayoi would simply not understand. That left Kio but as Soubi's friend, he was biased. That settled it : if he wanted to talk, she was his only option.

Honestly, he was a wreck. He slept poorly, ate little and had felt constantly on the verge of tears for the last three weeks. Why would his brother torment him so? Didn't he understand how important Soubi had become? How dear? Despite his weirdness and sometimes inappropriate behaviour, he felt safe and protected with the Fighter. He knew Soubi would lay down his life for him. He would kill to protect him. As sick as it seemed, it was a comforting thought, a soothing feeling to know someone cared enough about him to go to such lengths. He had felt so useless, so vulnerable at the graveyard. So hurt and so betrayed. So pathetic, standing there, crying and calling, knowing he had lost.

But really, what had he lost? What was Soubi to him?

His Fighter? Not in his wildest dream. He was Seimei's. Always Seimei. Never Ritsuka. Never his. Nothing was ever his.

His protector? Sure, but he could still call upon Natsuo and Yougi, they would help.

His would-be-killer? Awful. Just the thought was nauseating.

His stalker? Yes, in a way. Yet, he had felt safer with him.

His friend? But Soubi lied to him.

Do friends lie to each other? Unbidden memories of Yuiko, Osumo, his mother flooded his mind. Yes, friends lie to protect.

But Soubi left him. He had left him alone, in the graveyard. Friends do not abandon each other. He closed his eyes, pressed his eyelids tight, keeping tears in check. Soubi. So obedient. So self-sacrificing. Stupid Soubi, always listening to Seimei, always fulfilling his wishes whatever the cost. Soubi, dejectedly following Seimei with a heavy heart. Yes, Soubi had left. Willingly. Yes. He had always known Soubi would choose Seimei over him. He had known since the Seven-Voices Academy. But he hadn't seemed happy. Was it wishful thinking? Oh, how he hated Seimei at that moment. How could he? His own brother, for crying out loud ! So mean... _Soubi, are you alright with him? How does Seimei treat you?_

"Ritsuka, did somethig happen? You don't look well."

 _Am I so transparent that even doctor Katsuko could tell as soon as I come in?_

"I'm fine sensei. I'm tired, it's all."

For two weeks, Ritsuka had shared his mind with her. She had been hopeful and had really looked forward this session. At last, after two years, he trusted her enough to open up. But looking at him now, she wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe it had just spilled out of him because Ritsuka always kept his feelings bottled up. He seemed dejected. Whatever had brought smiles upon his face recently hadn't last. She felt sad for the poor child. So many burdens for such a young boy. She let him set the pace. Hurrying him or asking questions would undeniably add to his insecurities.

Suddenly, he fixed her intently, the intensity in his violet orbs startling in a face so young.

"Sensei, how do you know you love someone?"

"Are you talking about your family, Ritsuka-kun?"

To her surprise, he blushed deeply. All his body seemed to curl on itself: his head dipped low, his hair hid his face, his tail lodged between his legs, his ears flattened on his head and he fisted his hands. Sure enough, he wasn't comfortable talking about love but she had never witnessed him react so strongly.

"No sensei," he breathed softly. "I mean, how do you know you're in love?"

"Well, Ritsuka, people usually associate this kind of love with restlessness, a wish to see or call the other, to spend time together. Some people say they feel like they have butterflies in their stomach. Some would lose their appetite or sleep because of nerves. There is an urge to protect the one you love and a strong desire to be in close proximity. That's why couples hug more and often hold hands or kiss. You want the person you love to smile and be happy so you try your best for this to happen. Does that help?" She paused. Ritsuka hadn't moved. In fact, not a single hair or muscle had moved. He was completely still, as if suspended in time and space. "Ritsuka-kun, are you alright?"

"But, sensei, if you do anything for someone, then the other controls you, doesn't it?"

"Not in a healthy relationship. Love is not about control. It's about trust."

When he finally looked up to her, he seemed so lost and fragile she wanted to hug him. He was obviously debating whether or not voicing what was bothering him. She took in the flared nostrils, his dilated pupils. His tail puffed up and bristled, very still, very erect and his ears back and flat on his head. He fisted his hands so tight his knuckles were white. His breath was shallow and she wondered if was on the brink of hyperventilating. She had never seen the boy so afraid.

"Sensei," he whispered. "How do you know if you're into boys or girls?"

She had to admit she wasn't expecting this barely audible confession. He was such a cute child !

"Ritsuka, you are still young. You do not have to decide now." She watched him closely. He hadn't even twitched. Answer not satisfactory apparently.

"Have you met someone you like more than other people, Ritsuka?" He nodded ever so slightly. "Is it a boy?" She was surprised when he shook his head. "A girl then? Still no? Ritsuka, I don't understand. I can't help you that way. Please, speak to me."

She wracked her brain, trying to match all his shushed truths into a coherent matter. What exactly was the problem? Those past three sessions had led to this moment and if she wasn't careful, she would break his trust. She knew he had forced himself to disclose such private feelings because he hadn't managed to come to terms with it on his own. She would never be able to mend the damage if he felt she betrayed him now. Their sessions had no sense if he couldn't trust her. And he had deep trust issues...

"Ritsuka, whatever you say, I will not make fun of you or judge you poorly. But more importantly, I will keep it off the book. It stays between us : no record, no notebook, nothing. Not now, not once you're gone, not during other sessions. What do you think?"

Finally, finally, he looked up at her again.

"I think—I'd like that, doctor Katsuko."

"What is troubling you, Ritsuka?"

"I've met someone. I feel all nice and fuzzy with him. And safe, and cared about. But he lies to me. It pains me when he says 'I love you.' I want to see him but when he's here, I get frustrated and want him to go away. He kisses me without asking. He wants— no, he needs— something from me that I can't give."

"Your ears and tail?" she supplied.

"No, not this. He would never."

An idea popped into her mind and nagged her until she gave it her full attention.

"Is he the reason you asked about pain?"

"He is so — indifferent to it. I cannot be mean, doctor. Or dominating. Why does everyone need me to be someone I am not?"

Instead of answering, she decided to try a more oblique enquiry.

"Do you trust this boy, Ritsuka?"

"He is not a boy!" he exclaimed. "He is older." he added slowly and saw her frown as she thought.

"Well. You might be transposing your feelings for Seimei unto him. An older man who takes care of you as your brother did, it wouldn't be far-fetched."

The change was sudden. The teen went from ill-at-ease to full-blown anger so quickly it startled her.

"They are nothing alike ! Do not compare Soubi to Seimei !"

"I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. Tell me about him then. Soubi, is it?"

"I don't want to anymore." he sulked.

"I'll do it then. He's a man, older than you, maybe even an adult. Thought so." she added when she noticed his blush. "Very kind and protective with you but he steals you kisses that leave you both dizzy and wary. Not accounting his relation to pain and violence that disturbs you. Still, you feel safe and — shall I say it— loved with him. Spot on?"

His anger forgotten, the teen simply nodded his assent.

"Ritsuka, listen. This is very important. It doesn't look like a healthy relationship." He flicked his eyes at her, even more sullen. Still, she wanted to make sure he understood the situation. "But I'm confident he is the reason you smiled that much these last weeks. So, I ask again. Do you trust him?"

"I— I think— I do, yes."

"Then go for it, Ritsuka. You're a strong-willed boy and you aren't a bad judge of character. If you trust him, then it's good enough for me. I know you will find a way to work it out between you. I won't stand in your way."


	4. Confronting one's brother

Disclaimer : I own nothing, it's all Yun Kouga's work.

A/N : Thank you all for reading and thank you Blaqk Electric for pointing out that an elder brother is called oni-chan. I've corrected it.

 **Chapter 4 :** **Confronting one's brother**

More than a month had gone by before the brothers met again. Ritsuka felt both nervous and happy about it. No matter what, Seimei was family. His brother's embrace was warm and soft and sweet-smelling. Just as it used to be. He almost sighed in contentment. How he wished to have oni-chan back.

"How are you, Ritsuka? It is so good to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too, Seimei." he answered, taking a step back to look at him. He was so tall, so imposing. But for him, Seimei would always be his caring champion.

"So. Did you come to join me at last? I'm glad you thought this over."

The teen frowned.

"I'm sorry, Seimei, I'm not. I stand by my words. I will not be bound to you by words. I make my own choices and I follow the path I've decided upon. It's bad enough I've been given a name I can't change."

"Please Ritsuka. Open your mind. The world has been made for the two of us. I don't care about your true name. I love you as you are. The others are just — there. They don't matter. Only you are important and I love you so much. Don't you love me, Ritsuka?" he cajoled, a hint of spell barely noticeable.

"Of course I do." He took a step towards his brother then seemed to think better of it and stopped. "I love you oni-chan and I miss you. But this part of you? The one who doesn't care, who is mean and cruel? I— can't. I can forgive you for leaving me alone, for faking your death, for mom who is mad with grief. I can forgive your absence and I can even forgive what you did to Minami-sensei. But I can't condone it. I cannot accept this violent part of you. I know how it feels to be on the other side. I can't do it. I can't forget it. I can't look at you and not see it. I'm sorry brother because I love you so. But you're in the wrong. You can't hurt people without a care and get away with it."

"You are so cute, Ritsuka. So young and innocent."" He petted the teen's cat ears and knelt before him, to be at eye-level. His aura hadn't diminished in the slightest. "Who cares if you kick a dog? It certainly deserves it." He paused and looked briefly towards his fighters. "Are you familiar with butterflies?" he asked, turning his attention back to him.

Ritsuka screwed up his eyes. He had a sick feeling about this conversation.

"Soubi hates them so much. Do you know why, little brother?"

"What is your point exactly, Seimei?" he answered back, taking a step back and increasing the distance between them. His ears hurt and he was keenly aware his brother was trying to manipulate him. He didn't like it much.

"Those 'people' you care so much about are mere bugs in the grand scheme of things. There are only two important persons and that's us. As long as we are together and united, no harm will come to us."

"You don't understand Seimei. I like these people. I don't want to live in such a world. I will not accept a world revolving only around us." He saw Seimei's eyes darken and felt the pressure increase. "And will you please stop this pressure thing? I know your words are tempting only because you're not playing fair. I do not appreciate that you're using your powers on me to sway my mind."

"You did your homework, Ritsuka-kun, didn't you ?" he chuckled darkly. "Tell me, why are you here?"

"I would think it's obvious. I'm not leaving without Soubi."

"Did he take such good care of you? Well, there's at least one thing for which he hadn't been disappointing."

"Oni-chan, I want him to come back with me."

"What for, Ritsuka? I'll buy you a puppy if you want a pet. I'm not sure Mother will love it but, hey, what wouldn't I do for you?"

"That was uncalled for, Seimei." Ritsuka clenched his teeth. He didn't dare a look at Soubi. How could his brother be so demeaning ? No wonder Soubi was so subservient.

"You're so sweet when you're angry. Stay with me and I'll let you borrow him. Hm, what do you say?"

"No."

"Then don't whine and go home. You know I will not harm you."

"Is that so? You lied to me. You abandoned me. You left me **alone** with mom. You set someone on fire on **my** chair in **my** school. You tried to bind me with a spell. Twice. And you took Soubi away from me. Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused me. Hm?"

"So. That wasn't about him after all. That would have been distasteful."

"Oh, but it is." Ritsuka snarled. Saying it aloud had fuelled up his anger and he was now gone on a rampage. "You're very mistaken Seimei. It definitely is about Soubi. Because I can forgive what you did to me. I can forgive what you did to strangers, however sick it made me feel. But I can't and I won't forgive what you did to **him**."

"Oh, really? And pray tell, why not?" he answered, unconcerned with his brother's anger.

"Because Soubi is MINE."

Seimei laughed, as clear as cristal. He truly found it amusing. Ritsuka tensed. Was his brother not going to give him any credit or to take him seriously ?

"You're adorable! This is—really—Ritsuka, this is so naive! I will never abandon him because, as pathetic as he is, he is still the perfect Fighter for me. To this day, Beloved remains undefeated. Why would I let him go?"

"You have your true Fighter. I've been asking questions. You cannot have two Sentouki."

"What's done is done. His name is Beloved and can't be changed. That makes him mine. He follows my orders. You can rant all you want, that is an absolute fact."

"You aren't listening." Ritsuka shook his head slowly. "I know your word is law for him. I'm not saying he isn't following your command. I've seen your artwork with my own eyes, thank you very much." he added, lip curled in distaste. "But obeying is not belonging."

"You don't understand any of this, Ritsuka. Don't talk about what you don't know. You're young, untrained and without a fighter. What makes you believe you know better than I? I sent Soubi to protect you, for you not to feel lonely. I've never once considered leaving him behind. Because he's such a good, docile Fighter."

"No Seimei. You really abandoned him, because you didn't let him know of your plans. This one there," Ritsuka said, pointing accusingly towards Akame Nisei "he did know. Tell me. How can you be Beloved if your Fighter fears and despises you? Your relation with Soubi is so corrupted."

"This is stupid, little brother. Love is about control. Feelings and opinions of the Fighter don't matter. I've no need to take them into account. They just have to submit to me."

"I see them now, Seimei. The strings. The chains. I've watched Zero. And Moonless. Bloodless. Fearless. Faceless. Sleepless. Breathless. I've watched them all. And I've listened. I've paid attention. I've **noticed**. The name is law. But the choice is still there. The possibility to disagree. To voice your opinion."

"It's pointless and ridiculous. They have all lost. Have you seen me defeated, Ritsuka? That's because my Fighter obeys. He doesn't question me. He doesn't disagree. A fighting team is a losing team."

"Yes, that is true." he admitted. "They are weaker in a spell battle. Still. I want Soubi back."

" **That** is the end of the discussion, Ritsuka."

"No. You misunderstood me. I've not made myself clear enough. You stole my Fighter, carved him like cattle, hurt him, mistreated him and broke him to remodel him into a submissive pawn to use and dispose of as you wish. But he has always been mine and you had no right to do so." He spoke softly but the determination in his voice was unmistakable.

"What are you talking about?" Seimei asked, obviously peeved.

"He had no name, so you claimed him yours, as a blank fighter. I'm saying he wasn't. I'm saying he is and has always been Loveless. I'm saying he is mine because we're connected. I'm saying I'm claiming him as my Fighter. Because I can call him. Because I see where my string leads to. Because my name has appeared." He paused to study his brother's face. He was going to need all the strength he possessed. "This is his choice now, Seimei. Because a Sacrifice can't have two Fighters and a Sentouki can't have two masters."

He turned towards Soubi suddenly and held his gaze without flinching. So tall, so white. He had to get him back now or he would lose him forever. He couldn't let Seimei win, he couldn't give out. He had to be strong for them both. Words had been thrown but the real fight was about to begin and Soubi wouldn't escape unscathed. Seimei would never let him go willingly and he sincerely hoped his presence would lend his Fighter enough courage and force to break his bond with Seimei. His chain was so thick... He looked at it with disdain, hoping to see it shatter and clatter to the ground.

"Will you chose Beloved or Loveless, Soubi? What is your name?" he asked, very intent on the man. He stood there, unmoving, pretending he wasn't the least bothered by his brother's increasing aura. Any show of fear or weakness would lose him the fight. That was not acceptable. He didn't notice the Zero team stagger nor Akame Nisei as he grit his teeth. He didn't acknowledge his brother's power and energy. His Fighter wasn't moving. He seemed rooted there, looking as if any flutter would break him. So he concentrated fully on him. He felt Seimei's aggravation by Soubi's absence of response. It became physically painful and Seimei's command to him felt like a violent blow to all of them.

"Obey!" he snapped. He yanked so hard on the Fighter's chain that the blond keeled over. Still, he didn't budge.

"Soubi," the teen interjected calmly. "You will only get to choose once. You have to move now. Choose," he ordered firmly. "I've claimed you, you can come to me."

"Ritsuka," he whispered. "I recognize you as my master," he gasped out, clearly suffering. Finally, he moved on, slowly closing the gap between them, taking and enduring each and every painful step, all the way to him. His shirt was soaked red when he finally reached him. The pressure dissipated.

"Brother, this matter is not over." Seimei hissed. "I assure you, we will meet again."

"I can't forget what you did but — Oni-chan — I love you." Ritsuka replied, his heart breaking as he took in the blatant rift between them.


	5. Confronting one's responsabilities

A/N : Not mine. Many thanks to the author for her work.

 **Chapter 5 : Confronting one's responsibility**

To say the trip back home was unpleasant would be a major understatement. Kio did his best to refrain from asking questions he knew no-one would answer and concentrated on driving. Natsuo and Yougi, who came just in case, were unnaturally quiet, astute enough to perceive the undercurrents of the situation. Ritsuka sulked in the back seat, looking into night sky and Soubi sat ramrod straight near Kio, completely silent and purposefully avoiding anyone's eyes.

Being at home didn't change the circumstances in the slightest. If Soubi had seemed a bit off after the incident in Goura, it was nothing compared to his current mood. Ritsuka felt hurt, angry and deeply tired. This was not how he had pictured having him back. Moreover, he felt even more obligated towards him now that he had claimed him as his Fighter.

"Could you please leave us alone?" he had asked the others and felt relieved when they had agreed.

But now that they were alone, he didn't seem able to find the right words. He looked forlornly at Soubi who quietly smoked in his corner, facing away from him. He understood somewhat that he was in pain. He could relate to the feeling of shame and betrayal. He could forgive his need to bottle up feelings and bury them deep down. He also knew Soubi needed him to take control because letting his Sacrifice take control meant he could dissociate from what happened and what had transpired. He knew that was Soubi's way of dealing with disturbing events. But he was so loathe to do it. He was also aware of his own anger and wasn't sure he could manage the both of them. But he couldn't let him stay in such a state either. He had to try and hope he wasn't going to open Pandora's box.

"Soubi," he called. "Stop smoking and come here." He wasn't happy with the blank stare he received. "Undress," he said with an unsettling sense of déjà-vu. At least, his neck had stopped bleeding. He let him strip down to his trousers then went to stand behind him. He watched all his muscles tense in horror. _Does he honestly believe I'm going to beat him up? Does he intend to just let it happen? How sick is that?_

"This," he said, following the jagged lines on his back "will never happen with me. Nor shall you expect it." He moved to face him. "This," he continued, pointing to Soubi's neck and wrinkling his nose "just has to go. I don't know how or when, but it won't stay. These," he added, touching lightly every scrape, cut or injury he laid eyes upon "are to be disclosed to me and taken care of. And this," he breathed softly, grazing the letters of Loveless on his ribcage "is the only trace of me that will ever mar your skin. Am I being clear, Soubi?"

"Yes."

"Then get dressed. You're going to catch a cold." He watched him shamelessly despite the intimate situation. He'd spent weeks with Soubi and something was definitely off. He hoped hurting him wasn't the only way to shake him off this strange mood because he couldn't and wouldn't do it.

"What's wrong, Soubi?"

"Everything's fine."

"Don't lie to me." he replied curtly.

"I'm—weary." He pulled out another cigarette and moved away from Ritsuka. The youngster, however, would not be deterred.

"You believed I'd give up on you, didn't you?" He shrugged and took another drag. Ritsuka watched the telltale hollowness of his cheeks and expansion off his chest, the swirling cloud of smoke as it wafted towards him before it dissolved into thin air. He hated the smell of it. His Fighter didn't seem in a hurry to answer and continued to ignore him.

"Soubi?" He was definitely losing his patience and the blond's apathy was grating on his already frail nerves. "For once, speak your mind and give me a straight answer!" he exclaimed.

As an answer, he turned his head and stared intently at him. He seemed to measure up Ritsuka's truthfulness and determination and to weigh it against his own unwillingness to speak. But he knew an order when he heard one.

"I have wronged you. I betrayed both Seimei and you. I have no right to— be. I don't deserve—" He tore his gaze away as his voice broke and his sentence was left hanging in the air, so very heavy. Ritsuka blinked, both surprise by his confession and distraught by the negative judgment.

"But Soubi, I've forgiven you ages ago! It's not like you had a choice. Why do you beat yourself up over something you had no control on?"

"I may never be worthy of it, Ritsuka, but I'm happy to share your name. I'm glad you're my master." he simply said.

The teen turned from confused to incensed. Somehow, it reminded Soubi of Seimei. The two brothers were so easily overwhelmed by their anger. He caught the same gleam in Ritsuka's eyes and knew he had chosen the wrong words again. Instinctively, he stiffened and clenched his jaws.

"I hate this part of you," he hissed. "This mindless slave. And I hate Seimei and Minami-sensei who made you believe it's ok. It is not. I am no-one's master! I don't need and I don't want you to cater to my every wish and whim."

"You are my Sacrifice. I would do anything for you." He shrugged. "Because I love you," he added as an after-thought.

"Don't say that. It's offensive." Ritsuka snarled.

The blond dutifully and efficiently hid the stricken look that clouded his face.

"I am sorry."

"This too is offensive." he growled.

"Understood." Soubi replied, slightly baffled. Ritsuka was undeniably mad at him but he would be damned if he knew why. Still, the command hurt. Not to say 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry' ? It felt like a low blow and he most certainly hadn't expected it from the young boy. He had perceived Ritsuka's dislike when hearing him confess his love but he had never forbidden him to say it. Was he even aware he had given an order? A rather forceful one by the way ? Should he ask and risk angering him further? He never seemed able to please his masters enough. They always grew tired of him and discarded him in the end. He had hoped when Ritsuka had claimed him. But his young Sacrifice's words were quickly soaking the small fire he had ignited in his heart. Better to stay silent and try to please him. No matter what, most often than not, he chose the wrong words anyway. Judging by the colour of Ritsuka's cheeks, even that little word was a blunder.

"No you don't. Your words mean nothing, Soubi. They're only empty vessels for your voice. I don't give a damn about such love and apologies. I have to agree with Seimei. An arguing team is a losing team. And I'm not going to lose again."

So, that was it. Surely, it wouldn't be so different with Ritsuka than Seimei then. The disappointment stung harder than Seimei's blows because he had hoped, during the time spent with the vibrant child, to serve a more forgiving and caring master. How more wrong could he have been?

Ritsuka, for his part, was so consumed with his mixed feelings of helplessness and fury he didn't even noticed the change in Soubi's posture. Lost in a jumble of emotions too strong, nothing could refrain him from spilling his heart.

"You lie to me! You say you love me, that you're sorry. It's nothing but a sham! A grotesque farce, an obscene lie. It's worthless if you do it because you feel you have to as my Fighter," he spat. "Don't ever say you're sorry if you assume that's what I want to hear because I disagree or because I'm angry. We cannot argue in a battle but outside, in real life, just stop it already. Say it as Soubi, not as Loveless. I will never accept any other way. Never," he insisted.

His heart beat wildly, his chest heaved with short and shallow breaths and his face felt on fire. He closed his fist to prevent his hands from shaking and his wobbling legs barely kept him upright. Anger had drained him. When he finally looked up at Soubi, he realized how callous his words might have seemed to him and regretted instantly his flare-up. No, Soubi didn't deserve his harsh words, however true they were. He was not yet capable of understanding his point of view and as they stood contemplating each other in utter silence, Ritsuka felt defeated. This should have been an enjoyable evening, a happy moment to celebrate and he had ruined it. He had smashed his Fighter and rendered him silent. He wasn't fooled by his stoic stance. He had hurt him as surely as Seimei used to. The thought sickened him and he struggled to not throw up. Tears welled up in his eyes and he suddenly launched himself at him, hugging the adult so tightly his hands hurt.

"I apologize, Soubi. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I shouldn't have said that. I've missed you, Soubi. And I was worried for you. I'm happy you're with me now." he added, struggling to keep going.

"I'm also glad, Ritsuka." he replied as he enveloped the teen in the all-encompassing hug he seemed to save just for him. "But I don't know what you expect of me. I'm not sure I can—" he paused, trying to adequately express his mind. " I'm not sure I can do it right. I'm not even sure I understand what 'it' entails to be honest."

"Let's talk about it later, Soubi. I'm tired. Lie down with me, will you?" he asked with his usual shyness.

"Do you think we can come in now, Yougi?"

"Well, since Ritsuka isn't yelling anymore and there hasn't been a single sound in more than fifteen minutes, let's assume it's safe and go to bed. I'm already fed up enough with staying outside on the stairs."


	6. Uprooting a dispute

A/N : Not mine. No money made. Many thanks to the author for her work and for allowing us to play with her characters.

Rin, I'm not sure you'll find this chapter angsty enough but I sure hope you will like it anyway. Promocat, thank you for your time and reviews. I really appreciate it.

 **Chapter 6 : uprooting a dispute**

It took them several days to feel comfortable again with each other. Still, too much had been left unsaid and Soubi would never initiate any conversation that might potentially make Ritsuka angry or ill-at-ease. The teen was left to ponder how he wished to tackle the problem.

Soubi was an adult and it had been deeply ingrained from a young age what his behaviour should be like. Ritsuka felt his Fighter couldn't even fathom the kind of relationship he was considering. How was he supposed to explain it? Soubi always took it upon himself to never let his feelings show, to always put his Sacrifice's needs before his own, to conceal his true self. It was daunting.

He snuggled closer to him, buried his nose in the other's chest and felt his own body relax, surrounded by the familiar smell and strong arms. He might be acting as a big brother but Ritsuka's love for him was definitely not the same he shared with Seimei.

"Soubi?" he whispered, catching his attention. "What sort of relation do you wish to entertain with me?" he finally found the courage to ask. He saw Soubi smirk and reflected that somehow, saying it out loud sounded far much different than in the safety of his mind.

"Ritsuka... You're twelve. Don't misunderstand me, cuddling is fine. But anything else is sick."

The teen blushed scarlet and squirmed under the unwavering gaze of his elder.

"That's— that's not what I meant." he stuttered. "I've thought a lot about it. I don't like how Seimei talked about you. Or to you for that matter. You have explained," he paused, looked for the right words and found none "this," he added and pointed to his bandaged neck. "But I don't understand. This self-denial, this abuse, I can't stomach it. I know you feel differently but I won't ever consent to such a relation. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to command you. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes," he answered lazily. "You won't give orders."

"It's more than that. I promise I will do my part in a battle. I am your Sacrifice. I will endure the damage and direct the fight. These orders, I can give. But outside these peculiar occurrences, I won't dictate your life. I wish you would do something for you, something— selfish. Please, shift your perspective because I don't want to be your sole concern."

He only felt his Fighter stiffen because he was curled up against him, an arm draped over his stomach and chest, a hand over his heart. It was becoming increasingly easier to perceive Soubi's mood shifts despite his passive attitude. He always tried very hard to stifle his emotions but Ritsuka was attentive. Living with his mom had driven the lesson home. The smallest change was a warning.

"Do you want me to spend less time with you?"

"Do you?" Ritsuka answered back. " I didn't mean I don't care." he elaborated when it became clear Soubi was not going to reply.

"Since we want the same thing, why are we even talking about it?" he finally enquired.

"Have I hurt you?"

"What is your point, Ritsuka?" he asked, efficiently dodging the personal question.

"You never talk about yourself. I wish you wouldn't step aside all the time. I wish you would do something for you. I wish you would shed this heavy clock of Fighter you always wore and allow us to know who you really are. I wish you would find a purpose outside the Spell Battles. I wish you could believe that you deserve to be treated as a human being. I wish you wouldn't expect me to be your master or to hurt you because we disagree. I wish you could feel safe enough to share your thoughts, opinions or desires. I wish you would trust me and treat me as a partner, as an equal, not a superior to be worshipped— because I'm not perfect. I'm not above hurting you, even if I don't want to. It doesn't make it right."

"You are very sweet, Ritsuka." He must have done something right in another life to have been gifted with such a Sacrifice. Such a beautiful soul, full of love and compassion. But indeed, he didn't understand. "There are many things far worse. I don't really mind, all the more so if it's you because you're a kind and forgiving— child." he added after a pregnant pause. "The wish to make you happy comes naturally."

"Go ahead, Soubi and say it. I know you didn't mean 'child'."

Soubi cocked his head slightly and looked straight at him.

"You forbade it. Along with a few other words." he replied. Sometimes, it was difficult to identify the limits because his Sacrifice's orders were often half-hearted and mostly given as angry retorts that would contradict his strong beliefs.

"I did not!" he spluttered, outraged.

"Shall I consider it wasn't an order then?"

"Of course you should ! You're an adult, you can say whatever you want!"

"Really, Ritsuka?" he purred. He propped himself up on his elbow, studied his features, their heads almost touching and smiled softly. Ritsuka tended to be very permissive and he was curious about where he would set the limit. The boy couldn't accept he willingly bore a chain, even yearned for it. His shackle was proof of his existence. A Fighter's fetter was unfailing. It was living evidence he belonged and would always be needed. The thicker the chain, the stronger the bond. Surely they could manage to strike a balance along the way. He had never hoped for a master like him. He hadn't known it existed.

And no matter how insulted he had felt when given to Seimei, a younger Sacrifice, he didn't mind in the slightest with Ritsuka who was still a child. It was so easy to love the boy.

Ritsu and Seimei. He had both loved and hated them. He had been happy when he had managed to please them. It was enough if they let him stay at their side, especially Seimei. Seimei had been his everything. He bore his name and he would have done anything for him, no matter how hurtful he sometimes were. Despite the agony of his faked death or the misery of betraying Ritsuka, Seimei had never had the intention of abandoning him. He was grateful for Seimei's need for him and the thick chain he had given him.

But Ritsuka, sweet Ritsuka, was different. Ritsuka was so young and already so grown-up. So adamant and so naïve at the same time. So independent and yet so needy. Ritsuka was a kind and soft heart in spite of his flaws.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

His Sacrifice's response was immediate and exactly as he had expected : a deep blush, knitted eyebrows, pinched lips, an angry frown, a darker shade of his irises. He was adorable. The boy averted his eyes and turned his back to him.

"I wish you would stop saying that. It's worthless if you say it out of a sense of duty or obedience. Don't love me because we bear the same name or because you consider me your master," he spat. "Love me for who I am. If you love me, do it from the bottom of your heart, as a unique person with his own individuality. Love me as Soubi, not Loveless. I won't accept anything less."

 _Oh, cute little boy._ How could he not love him like that ? Talking about love always put Ritsuka in a strange mood. It was in those sparse times he showed his true vulnerability. It was during those times Soubi wanted the most to protect his Sacrifice. He nuzzled his neck.

"Who said I didn't mean it?" he countered. He was rewarded by the youngster facing him again.

Soubi could see so many emotions swirl in the depths of his violet eyes, so many questions there, tumbling against one another. His Sacrifice didn't know yet how exhilarating it was to abandon oneself to another. A fond smile graced his lips and lit his eyes. One day, when he would be older, he would understand and value the selflessness of such commitment. He kissed him tenderly.

"Hush now. You should sleep." he said, holding the teen closer.

They would find their way. Together, they would not be defeated.

 **The end**


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